Never wait...

Life has been a bit strange for me lately. I recently connected with an old friend that I was very close to eight or so years ago. Back then we drifted apart I would like to say because we were different people. The truth is that we both had a couple three emotional problems; unfortunately while we needed each other greatly, those problems pulled us in different directions. Neither of us ever forgot during this period apart what we had meant to each other.

We found our way eventually back to each other’s lives through social media. As you well know Facebook collects every key stroke. On a couple occasions I entered my friend’s name and came up goose eggs. You know how on Facebook in the right handed column they offer suggestions for friends? Facebook suggested that I friend a young woman who turned out to be my long lost friend’s cousin with the same last name. My friend has an uncommon last name so, I assumed their might be some relation. I sent that young woman a message asking if she was indeed related to my friend and she immediately sent a message back stating that she was. I then sent her my contact info and asked that she pass it on to my friend. She was happy to help.

As the weeks and months passed, I heard nothing from my friend and had all but given up hope. I surmised that he just did not want to look back. I understood this in that I too have received requests and thought the same thing. Sometimes it is not best to look back. Then about a month ago my friend contacted me. We picked up where we had left off; long conversations now supplemented with texts, emails and Facebook messages. It was like old times. We greatly enjoyed the renewed connection and told each other so a couple times. There was something wrong though…

I don’t know if you can but, I can sense so much from a telephone conversation or an email about someone’s life. My friend seemed greatly unhappy. He seemed almost to pretend the opposite. However, I am not one to ask about private matters even with close friends and certainly not through social media. I have always thought that people would/will reveal to me what they want me to know. And he did. Each connection told me a bit more about his life. Each connection also told me that he was greatly discontented with his life and the world. It was my plan to actually meet up with him sooner rather than later. I have moved cities since we knew each other and we were now a couple hundred miles apart. Not a real problem at all, we just needed to set the date.

Last Tuesday we were to chat again. He sent me a text about one o’clock in the afternoon and asked if I was going to be around for a chat that evening. That evening I sat and watch mindless television waiting for a call that never came. Then Wednesday came and I texted him. Knowing that he did seem on edge I did not want to pester so, I left a couple texts for him that I thought would make him laugh as I have before. Oddly, there were no responses to those texts. Wednesday became Thursday, then Friday and then Saturday. Friday night into Saturday I barely sleep. I knew something was wrong. Sunday morning I went directly to the computer and without thinking I “Googled: his name. The search engine returned two obituaries for his name and city. In disbelief I even rebooted the computer. They were real. Neither of the death notices for my friend offered any real info other than next of kin and funeral arrangements. I signed the online guestbook with the truth; “I would always remember him as one of the kindest people that I have known.”

As you might guess I am torn apart by all this. I have no idea what happened. I searched his local newspaper and other search engines and only came back with those two obituaries again and again. Someone suggested I contact the family. Having been through such events myself I thought it inappropriate to contact his bereaved family with the question: “how did he die?” I have always found such questions a bit insensitive.

Right now all I feel certain of is that the universe brought us together again if only for a month to in some way say goodbye. My pain is only consoled by the joy we shared in the past month.