What, no dinner?

Why me, I ask you? A couple in their late thirties to early forties boarded the bus. It was shortly after 3:00p.m. yesterday afternoon. They appeared to be drunk, stoned, hopped up on goofballs or any combination of the three. I can't even guess which- The woman who was petite wore a flowery frock well beyond her years. Her companion held his head down and was relatively nondescript. The woman sat next to me to the right and the guy directly in front of her. I should say that she actually sat on the right side of my right thigh and slid down into position. As I tried to break free she finally noticed, excused herself and moved to the right only slightly. She was still sitting on my blazer. I struggled again but, she did not notice and I did not really want to make an issue.

As we waited for the bus to get going her head bobbed back and forth much like my little Jeter doll. She seemed to be fighting sleep desperately. After about 15 minutes of this she lost. She was out like the proverbial light. I stared out the window to my left until I felt her hand fonding my big bald head. Before I could speak or react, her right hand had found it's way to my chest and was caressing it as she pressed her face into my shoulder. Unfortunately, I don't always read all of my emails but, were we dating? I'm not sure where it came from but, I then opened my mouth and out came, WHAT THE F**K LADY? She did not wake. I wasn't sure what to do so, I struggled to push her away. -No use, she was still out. I then lifted my right arm while pushing her aside. This gesture was firmer than planned and she flopped to her right. The kid in the aisle seat across from her caught her and put her upright. She woke during this procedure with her hand now on my right shoulder. Before I could speak she said, "I don't want you no how. This my man." She said this while massaging the neck of the guy she boarded with in front of her. "This my man," she repeated. The guy grunted something unintelligible but did not turn around. In fact he never turned around during the whole ordeal.

The entire bus was in laughter. Letterman should get such laughs. I was absolutely mortified. I stared out the window at the one hour dry cleaning sign. I wondered if I could drop myself off for a good steam cleaning.