I'm a vampire... or maybe not.

Around a quarter to six last evening I took a nap. I woke up an hour later scratching the left side of my neck. I even applied hydrocortisone which only helped a little. I finally went into the bathroom to check out my neck in the mirror. There, there on my neck were two tiny red spots about 1/16th of an inch apart. I thought it odd for bug bites because they were identical and so close together. Then I thought…

Holy Twilight Batman, I’m a vampire. But, wouldn’t I remember having the blood drained from me by some incredibly good looking undead as seen on TV? I wouldn’t remember it if I fainted from the shock?

I put alcohol on the bites. –Nothing, they still itched. It finally occurred to me that maybe it still itched because I kept futzing with them. I applied more itch cream.

I then went to the kitchen table and tried to remember what happened in the movies when people were made Slurpees by the undead. None of it seemed to apply so, I started dinner. I found the pork chops and apple sauce most satisfying and didn’t crave blood even once. I haven’t grown fangs but, I do always look great in black, especially with a cap. The day light doesn’t seem to bother me and I ate ice cream for dessert. I guess I’m not a vampire after all but, the bites are still there.

Then it occurred to me. New windows were installed in my room earlier in the day. Who knows what sort of bugs/insects might have made themselves indoors? See there? There’s always a plausible explanation which is never as exciting or as cool as what you have seen on television.