For sometime I have been keeping mental notes about cell phone users. I mean cell phone users in public places. There are several types, you know? They are all entirely too loud. Most do not realize what a personal call is. They do not realize that "personal call" means between them and the other person(s) on the line. What they have to talk about while at times entertaining is really none of my business. Feel free to add to my list in the comment area. Also note that the quotes here are actual things that I have over heard. Here goes:
1. The Popular Guy - This guy is not necessarily popular but he wants you to think that he is. He smiles a lot while talking and visually scans the area to see who is actually listening. His conversations get funnier the "better" his captive audience. He is the type that might suggest that he was wanted for the new "Boys Gone While" video but he turned them down because he did not want to embarrass the other dudes. I actually heard one such popular guy say, " yeah, I did them both... the sister was kind of nasty."
2. The Gossip - This guy or gal will talk about anyone and everyone at anytime and loudly. I actually heard one young woman say, "oh, I heard he got out on Wednesday. She went to pick him up in dem ugly-ass Payless shoes..."
3. The Braggart - The Braggart is not to be confused with the Popular Guy although they can often be one in the same. The Braggart usually brags about a lot of stuff that no one believes or cares about. This usually involves women with something in their eye who he believed was winking at him. -can also involve alcohol. "dude, I musta had 25, no 33 shots last night and I wasn't hung over this morning."
4. Speaker Phone Gal - The speaker-phone is on and the other person is as loud as f**k! They do not know they are on speak phone or that an entire bus load of annoyed people can hear them. "He was 'bout to go to sleep and I told that bastard I didn't have anough."
5. Oblivious Bad Criminal - These two quotes can explain them. "dude, you know where I can get an 1/8 of 'cookies'" or " I almost got it... I'll give it to you. I need to get that gun tonight."
6. Booty Call Pavers - This is usually a young guy who awkwardly tries to set up a booty call for later on. "Thanks for comin' to visit me the other night. I have so much fun with you. I get off work at nine tonight..."
7. The Mumblers and the Grunters - You can't really tell what the heck they are talking about. As I said, they mumble and grunt. It is oh so annoying like when the radio is too low or your country uncle visits and talks about the old days.
8. Middle Aged Guy - This guy is still amazed by the technology. He keeps removing the phone from his ear and staring at it in amazement. He still can't believe there's no wire. He usually says good-bye at least three times followed up with, "she hung up."
-know any others?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
From time to time I have been accused of being a little less liberal than a modern society demands. As I see things everything is connected. People can not begin to teach manners and parent when youngins are pre-teens. You don't need a degree from that big school on the hill to figure this out. Who they are and will be are formed much earlier. This is all a preface to my amazement of the five H1N1 infested buggers (10-12 year olds) I encountered in the local library branch this past weekend.
Speaking of the flu, they all had it or some other upper respiratory ailment that caused them to cough, hack and wheeze as if someone was sitting on their respective chests. There were new signs posted about the library pleading with young and old alike to help stem the spread of germs. I counted at least a dozen signs that even demonstrated how to actually cover your nose and or cough in to the crook of your elbow. As well, the library now supplies hand sanitizer and tissues for public use. Nevertheless, as I searched the card catalog online this group of loud kids had gathered at the computer next to me. I assumed their motivation was to monitor who could cough on me the most. One young fellow who stood over his seated friend was standing so close to me that I adjusted myself several times to avoid his hack stream. And then... Then he coughed so violently with his mouth uncovered that I could feel droplets from his mouth on my left cheek and all over my big bald head. Geezus! After taking my pocket hanky and shamming myself down, I looked up at the kids who looked confused. The particular boy did not seem to know or care what he had done. I suggested that they; 1. use their inside voices and 2. cover their mouths when they coughed. This was mighty effective... not!
They began a conversation among themselves as if I weren't there. They first queried, "...who I thought I was talking to?" They then perceptively pointed out that I wasn't any body's father and as well lacked some sort of right(s) to correct behavior. I said nothing more to them. The librarian who had witnessed all this came over and told them that only two people were allowed at each computer at a time. She repeated this three times before anyone moved away and then only one person left. Once I put away thoughts of actually hunting them down should I become sick, I was rather annoyed.
Surely, this isn't the first time I've seen it but, I am often amazed that people don't teach basic manners and self-respect to their issue. Would these things also hamper "freedom" and "self-esteem" or some thing? How can we possibly expect children to blossom into mature responsible contributing adults when at 10 years of age they believe that they have the "right" to snot all over some old bald guy's head? How are we shocked when they do much worst when the corrective words of some one at least 30 years their senior are considered "fightin" words? -When they see no difference between themselves and their elders... when they do not believe they need to respect either?
Speaking of the flu, they all had it or some other upper respiratory ailment that caused them to cough, hack and wheeze as if someone was sitting on their respective chests. There were new signs posted about the library pleading with young and old alike to help stem the spread of germs. I counted at least a dozen signs that even demonstrated how to actually cover your nose and or cough in to the crook of your elbow. As well, the library now supplies hand sanitizer and tissues for public use. Nevertheless, as I searched the card catalog online this group of loud kids had gathered at the computer next to me. I assumed their motivation was to monitor who could cough on me the most. One young fellow who stood over his seated friend was standing so close to me that I adjusted myself several times to avoid his hack stream. And then... Then he coughed so violently with his mouth uncovered that I could feel droplets from his mouth on my left cheek and all over my big bald head. Geezus! After taking my pocket hanky and shamming myself down, I looked up at the kids who looked confused. The particular boy did not seem to know or care what he had done. I suggested that they; 1. use their inside voices and 2. cover their mouths when they coughed. This was mighty effective... not!
They began a conversation among themselves as if I weren't there. They first queried, "...who I thought I was talking to?" They then perceptively pointed out that I wasn't any body's father and as well lacked some sort of right(s) to correct behavior. I said nothing more to them. The librarian who had witnessed all this came over and told them that only two people were allowed at each computer at a time. She repeated this three times before anyone moved away and then only one person left. Once I put away thoughts of actually hunting them down should I become sick, I was rather annoyed.
Surely, this isn't the first time I've seen it but, I am often amazed that people don't teach basic manners and self-respect to their issue. Would these things also hamper "freedom" and "self-esteem" or some thing? How can we possibly expect children to blossom into mature responsible contributing adults when at 10 years of age they believe that they have the "right" to snot all over some old bald guy's head? How are we shocked when they do much worst when the corrective words of some one at least 30 years their senior are considered "fightin" words? -When they see no difference between themselves and their elders... when they do not believe they need to respect either?
Monday, November 2, 2009
I thank you for your honesty but...
Around a quarter to eight this morning I was walking about a half block from my doctor's office when a woman stopped me. She had been walking in the opposite direction. She was wearing an ankle length purple hooded parka as if it was the dead of winter and style had been conceded to warmth. Our conversation follows:
Woman: Sir, can I ask you a question? Um gonna be really honest with you. Um a alcoholic and um 'bout to drop right here. Kin you give me some money to get a beer?
Me: HUH?
(She waved her hand dismissively and I continued on to my appointment)
Woman: Sir, can I ask you a question? Um gonna be really honest with you. Um a alcoholic and um 'bout to drop right here. Kin you give me some money to get a beer?
Me: HUH?
(She waved her hand dismissively and I continued on to my appointment)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What emergency?
Yesterday morning as I drank a glass of Banana, Strawberry, Orange juice I felt something funny in my mouth. I carefully swallowed the juice and spat the object into my hand. Gosh golly, it was the composite cap from my front tooth. Shit! I raced to the bathroom in disbelief but it was so... It was a clean break though, I could fit the cap back on and it would sit there without falling out. What to do? What to do? It was only six in the morning mind you. Well as much as I wanted to do something there was nothing I could do. I have to admit that one of my "solutions" was Crazy Glue. Had I followed up on this I might give new meaning to the term Crazy Glue. I foresaw putting too much glue on the cap and using my tongue to keep it in place until it hardened and then having my tongue welded to the tooth also. Well, I thought better of that. God does of course take care of fools and children.
I went and sat on the bed with a hand mirror staring at the tooth as if my sheer will could bond it back into place. It did not work. That's not my super hero power anyway. I decided to just go about my day. I first went to the computer and checked out a few of those chain sites. My actual dentist who replaced the composite a year ago I believe left town for higher pursuits shortly there after. So, around ten after ruling out Aspen Dental and the others I decide to go to the emergency section of the dental factory I have gone to before. To my surprise I had a very different idea of what constituted an emergency. I have had this problem through out life but it was still a bit of a shock. "Is there bleeding?" No. "Is there great sensitivity?" No. "Is there any sensitivity at all?" No. "So, your only problem is that your cap came off and you don't like how it looks" Yes, but you cheapen things. The very loud woman shouted over the moans in the waiting area to tell me that I needed to go upstairs to my regular dentist's office.
And that I did, I went upstairs. I told the fluffy fellow at the desk my problem. "I'm sorry for that Sir but, you need to make a regular appointment." I asked him if he meant a regular appointment as in a couple months from now. Yup! I took the cap out and showed him while telling him that that was unacceptable and I needed to see some one today. I did not mind waiting. I realized that I was a walk-in where walk-ins are not welcome but, I needed to see someone today! He seemed very uncomfortable. Nothing like an angry black guy to get people all jittery. He then went in the back and when he returned he told me that no one could see me because they we all at lunch and would not return for at least an hour. "I'll wait," I told him and without waiting for a response I sat down.
I waited for an hour and a half. I have to admit I was mildly entertained by the other patients. This would be with the exception of the guy next to me trying to hack up a lung. At one point he made it known that he was a doctor. Well, then he should have known to get a friggin' mask or something. After I continually adjusted myself enough where by back was to him, he made a teeth sucking sound and got up and moved off to the corner where he should have been to begin with. As well, the woman with her boy/girl 14 year old twins was also entertaining. I won't tell you why because she was too scary. She had apparently just been released from prison and was still "bonding" with the youngsters.
Moving right along it was now more than two hours into my wait. I then heard the check-in guy and the woman next to him talking about me as if I was not there. He told her how I had lost a cap and I expected to be seen by the doctor. (Did you pick up on the point that it was now more than two hours I was waiting?) He asked the woman if he should even tell the doctor I was there. At this point I stared directly at them and the woman looked over at me. Noticing my expression she told the check-in guy, "I think we better." Ten minutes later the doctor appeared. Oddly it was my original doctor who I had thought had gone away. I waved and she asked how I was doing. The two at the desk told her why I was there and she looked over at me and then told them to check me into the computer. I could tell that I was the only person who really wanted this to happen. -Not like I haven't been in that situation before. The doctor took me back and asked what the problem was and I told her. She said, "we can take care of that but I have four patients ahead of you." Fine.
About a half hour later I was taken to the back and a half hour after that I was better than new.
The moral to the story: your emergency very often is not anyone else's emergency but, it still does not mean it can't be treated like one.
I went and sat on the bed with a hand mirror staring at the tooth as if my sheer will could bond it back into place. It did not work. That's not my super hero power anyway. I decided to just go about my day. I first went to the computer and checked out a few of those chain sites. My actual dentist who replaced the composite a year ago I believe left town for higher pursuits shortly there after. So, around ten after ruling out Aspen Dental and the others I decide to go to the emergency section of the dental factory I have gone to before. To my surprise I had a very different idea of what constituted an emergency. I have had this problem through out life but it was still a bit of a shock. "Is there bleeding?" No. "Is there great sensitivity?" No. "Is there any sensitivity at all?" No. "So, your only problem is that your cap came off and you don't like how it looks" Yes, but you cheapen things. The very loud woman shouted over the moans in the waiting area to tell me that I needed to go upstairs to my regular dentist's office.
And that I did, I went upstairs. I told the fluffy fellow at the desk my problem. "I'm sorry for that Sir but, you need to make a regular appointment." I asked him if he meant a regular appointment as in a couple months from now. Yup! I took the cap out and showed him while telling him that that was unacceptable and I needed to see some one today. I did not mind waiting. I realized that I was a walk-in where walk-ins are not welcome but, I needed to see someone today! He seemed very uncomfortable. Nothing like an angry black guy to get people all jittery. He then went in the back and when he returned he told me that no one could see me because they we all at lunch and would not return for at least an hour. "I'll wait," I told him and without waiting for a response I sat down.
I waited for an hour and a half. I have to admit I was mildly entertained by the other patients. This would be with the exception of the guy next to me trying to hack up a lung. At one point he made it known that he was a doctor. Well, then he should have known to get a friggin' mask or something. After I continually adjusted myself enough where by back was to him, he made a teeth sucking sound and got up and moved off to the corner where he should have been to begin with. As well, the woman with her boy/girl 14 year old twins was also entertaining. I won't tell you why because she was too scary. She had apparently just been released from prison and was still "bonding" with the youngsters.
Moving right along it was now more than two hours into my wait. I then heard the check-in guy and the woman next to him talking about me as if I was not there. He told her how I had lost a cap and I expected to be seen by the doctor. (Did you pick up on the point that it was now more than two hours I was waiting?) He asked the woman if he should even tell the doctor I was there. At this point I stared directly at them and the woman looked over at me. Noticing my expression she told the check-in guy, "I think we better." Ten minutes later the doctor appeared. Oddly it was my original doctor who I had thought had gone away. I waved and she asked how I was doing. The two at the desk told her why I was there and she looked over at me and then told them to check me into the computer. I could tell that I was the only person who really wanted this to happen. -Not like I haven't been in that situation before. The doctor took me back and asked what the problem was and I told her. She said, "we can take care of that but I have four patients ahead of you." Fine.
About a half hour later I was taken to the back and a half hour after that I was better than new.
The moral to the story: your emergency very often is not anyone else's emergency but, it still does not mean it can't be treated like one.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Evolved ?
A friend is in town so we went out for drinks, dinner and drinks last night. Fine, fine, fine and the funny part was... We met up with others later. As I stood sipping a Stoli and tonic at the bar of some place called Pastabilities, (too cute of a name but great food!) a gentleman walked up who knew a member of our party. He was in his forties and kind of 60's fried with a heavy pilled striped ski hat. He was very friendly and actually entertaining after I relaxed a bit. The funny part was he at one point lifted his glass towards me and said, "he is very handsome." I looked over my shoulder but there was no one there who fit the bill. He said it again and I did the same never occurring to me that he meant me. He tried a third time. This time he pointed at moi. "Oh, you meant me," I said. I went on to say I thought he originally meant some one else. "No, I meant you. But hey, it's alright. It's not like I want to f**k you or anything. I'm just sayin' you're handsome," he told me. I politely thanked him and the conversation moved awkwardly onward.
Now, wasn't he evolved.
Now, wasn't he evolved.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Makin' Bacon
Bacon, the new sugar... discuss.
Last evening I tried a new recipe for Pasta E Fagioli (Pasta Fazool, to use the vernacular). It turned out especially well. I believe it might have had something to do with the bacon*. The recipe called for cooking two chopped strips of bacon. The bacon was so thick and lean and smelled so comforting that I added an extra strip. Of course that extra strip could have only been a positive thing. I decided then and there that bacon IS the new sugar. Much like sugar, bacon makes just about everything better. It's a breakfast standby, proposes to your club sandwich at lunch and the dinner possibilities are endless.
Come on sing along with me:
Not buying it? Well try this: think of your favorite meal(s). Wouldn't it/they be better with bacon or more bacon? Not turkey bacon mind you, the real stuff from Mr. Ziffle's farm. We are carnivores aren't we? We haven't convinced ourselves that we have evolved into only plant eating creatures have we? Well, some of us and I do love you all but... Even dogs love the stuff, if I am to believe the commercials.
Okay, okay, bacon isn't exactly heart smart but, neither is a job that you hate, interacting with teenagers or traffic for that matter. Someone once told me that, "not even a good job loves you back." The Pasta Fazool with bacon did so love me back.
(Voice over)
*Bacon should only be enjoyed in moderation.
Last evening I tried a new recipe for Pasta E Fagioli (Pasta Fazool, to use the vernacular). It turned out especially well. I believe it might have had something to do with the bacon*. The recipe called for cooking two chopped strips of bacon. The bacon was so thick and lean and smelled so comforting that I added an extra strip. Of course that extra strip could have only been a positive thing. I decided then and there that bacon IS the new sugar. Much like sugar, bacon makes just about everything better. It's a breakfast standby, proposes to your club sandwich at lunch and the dinner possibilities are endless.
Come on sing along with me:
A spoon full of [Bacon] helps the medicine go down.
The medicine go down.
The medicine go down.
Just a spoon full of [bacon] makes the medicine go down, in the most delightful way.
Not buying it? Well try this: think of your favorite meal(s). Wouldn't it/they be better with bacon or more bacon? Not turkey bacon mind you, the real stuff from Mr. Ziffle's farm. We are carnivores aren't we? We haven't convinced ourselves that we have evolved into only plant eating creatures have we? Well, some of us and I do love you all but... Even dogs love the stuff, if I am to believe the commercials.
Okay, okay, bacon isn't exactly heart smart but, neither is a job that you hate, interacting with teenagers or traffic for that matter. Someone once told me that, "not even a good job loves you back." The Pasta Fazool with bacon did so love me back.
(Voice over)
*Bacon should only be enjoyed in moderation.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Out with the bad air...
As I crossed the street from my dermatologist's office it started to rain, again. But that's not the story here. The story hovers around what I saw to my left waiting for the traffic light to change. It was an older dark blue SUV. Maybe a Ford, I think. I immediately noticed scrawled on the passenger's side of the vehicle more than foot high letters which read, "YOU A SHIT BITCH."
Having what many might consider an over-active imagination, I was perplexed as to where the words had come from. No, I don't mean defecation or female dogs but, rather where the anger originated. I imagine the "writer" was very angry as evidenced by the size of the letters and how deeply they were scratched into the vehicle. I could plainly see the vehicle's raw metal. As well, the last word almost seemed an after thought in that while sizable, it was a few fonts smaller than the others. Maybe the writer added the last word for emphasis. -or perhaps he or she really wasn't that pissed. I then looked at the driver, a woman in her mid-thirties who flashed me a, "don't go there," look and swiftly turned a head.
My curiosity planted me squarely on one of the soap boxes in my head. The one with the sign, "why are people so angry?" Really, when I was younger than today one simply removed him or herself from negative situations. You just got away from people who pissed you off before you could hate them. 'Anyone worthy of hate isn't worthy of hating,' I used to say. I still believe this. It seems that today most people don't even believe this a little bit. Any negative feeling must be acted upon. And the accompanying expression of anger must be several times the perceived offense if there was an actual one. An example might be people who routinely call the work places of people they have a beef with in order to cause them problems or perhaps get them fired. This is the result of a perceived or actual Personal situation. Another example of the punishment not suiting the crime might be the guy in the news who shot his two "buddies" because he told them not to smoke his last cigarette before he left the room. They did the deed and... It seems that we are at a point where one can not just not like you or your actions, you must be destroyed. How did we get here? When did we devolve into believing that it was better to destroy the "shit bitches" of the world exponentially rather than just getting away from them to a more positive existence?
Having what many might consider an over-active imagination, I was perplexed as to where the words had come from. No, I don't mean defecation or female dogs but, rather where the anger originated. I imagine the "writer" was very angry as evidenced by the size of the letters and how deeply they were scratched into the vehicle. I could plainly see the vehicle's raw metal. As well, the last word almost seemed an after thought in that while sizable, it was a few fonts smaller than the others. Maybe the writer added the last word for emphasis. -or perhaps he or she really wasn't that pissed. I then looked at the driver, a woman in her mid-thirties who flashed me a, "don't go there," look and swiftly turned a head.
My curiosity planted me squarely on one of the soap boxes in my head. The one with the sign, "why are people so angry?" Really, when I was younger than today one simply removed him or herself from negative situations. You just got away from people who pissed you off before you could hate them. 'Anyone worthy of hate isn't worthy of hating,' I used to say. I still believe this. It seems that today most people don't even believe this a little bit. Any negative feeling must be acted upon. And the accompanying expression of anger must be several times the perceived offense if there was an actual one. An example might be people who routinely call the work places of people they have a beef with in order to cause them problems or perhaps get them fired. This is the result of a perceived or actual Personal situation. Another example of the punishment not suiting the crime might be the guy in the news who shot his two "buddies" because he told them not to smoke his last cigarette before he left the room. They did the deed and... It seems that we are at a point where one can not just not like you or your actions, you must be destroyed. How did we get here? When did we devolve into believing that it was better to destroy the "shit bitches" of the world exponentially rather than just getting away from them to a more positive existence?
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