My Personal Best and Worst list...

1.
THE WORST THING EVER SAID TO ME IN A BAR:


Long ago and far away, I worked for IBM. For three weeks I had been in Atlanta at a training school. One Friday night I decided to go out to a club. As I stood at the bar I noticed an attractive woman to my right. Bored and a little homesick, I introduced myself to the woman. She disapprovingly looked me up and down and said ”I already know enough people.”

2.
THE WORST THING EVER SAID TO ME BY A STUDENT:


One semester on the first day of classes I had a student (a young black woman) come to my office and ask me to sign a “Drop-Add” form. She wanted out of my class! I asked her why and she said “Well, I called my momma after class and we both agreed that there ain’t nothing’ I could learn from a black man.”

3.
THE "FUNNIEST" THING EVER SAID TO ME BY A STUDENT:

I had repeatedly warned a certain student about his missing assignments and attendance; now the best he could have hoped for was to get a D in my course. While the class worked on a bit of free-writing I glanced at a sale circular (I was in the market for a new TV.) while waiting for their questions. The same student noticed me reading the circular and held behind after class. He actually offered to buy me a 19 inch TV if I raised his grade to a B. I thought he was joking as he oft did and decided to play along. I told him that the 19 inch would not do and at least a 32 inch was necessary. His response, "What, you got to be kidding? I could have you killed for less money!"

4.
ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER SAID TO ME BY A STUPID PERSON:


“Why don’t you speak in ebonics like the rest of your people?

5. THE WORST THING THAT I EVER SAID TO ANOTHER PERSON:

At 23 I stood waiting for a friend in a hotel bar. A woman at least 40 years my senior, went from winking at me to squeezing the back of my hand as it rested on the bar and said “Do you want to come home with me?” I responded “Why, is there someone younger and more attractive there?”

6. THE BEST INADVERTANT ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO ME:

I sat watching a play with a theatre friend. At one point I noticed that many of the people in the audience seemed to be crying. I asked my friend “What’s the matter with those people?” His response was “They’re weepy, Les. It is what happens to people with emotions.”

7. MY WORST HORROR MOVIE EXPERIENCE:

I took a date to the original Friday 13th movie. My date gripped my arm so tightly that it bleed and to this date I still have four ever-so-slight crescent fingernail scars on my forearm.

8. THE WORST JOB THAT I EVER HAD:

Undoubtedly, KFC! As the newest employee, it was my job to drain and clean the fryers. Unspeakable fried things (some of the once living) were found by me in the bottom of those vats. In addition, I also contracted a (grease related) raging case of acne that took more than a year to clear up.

9. THE SECOND WORST JOB THAT I EVER HAD:

One summer I worked in a factory that made the fillings for donuts. (No sophomoric jokes, please) In great part it was my job to stand with a 100 (one hundred) pound bag of sugar on my shoulder and slowly release the sugar into the bubbling/boiling vat or incur a string of made up curse words for the “cook”, a grizzled fellow who I only saw smile once; when I fell down walking with one of the sugar sacks.



The other half of my job was to work below the vats. I had to quickly grab the plastic packages that were filled with the boiling sweet filling from the machine extruding them. If you worked fast enough (and trust me you did!) you did not notice as much that you were handling packets that were a few hundred degrees without gloves. I protested and was told that the summer “college-boy” employees did not need gloves. Come to think of it, this job might have been worse than KFC.

10.
THE BEST THING EVER SAID TO ME BY A CRACKHEAD:

As I sat on a bus minding my own business I stared out of the window. I was wearing a cashmere blazer and wool driving cap. A crackhead standing over me asked “Who the fuck are you supposed to be? You on your way to the fucking Hamptons or somethin’?”

11.
BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO ME:

"Never complain unless you have the will and a plan to change things."


12.
SECOND BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO ME:

"You can have some of what you want from the world or you can have nothing. The street corners are crowded with people with nothing."