What Not to Gift a Germaphobe

I don't want to slam the maker of that fruit arrangement that you can send to anyone anywhere in the country. They are a business with an idea; an idea that has caught on. I chatted with the neighbor Tom (not his real name) yesterday when a delivery van pulled up. The cheerful driver after checking the name and all, handed the neighbor this large munchable arrangement. It had what appeared to be pieces of melon on sticks carved like Clip Art flowers. They were bright and melon colored with pineapple even. Although, it had plastic wrap about it the neighbor said exactly what I was thinking, "Dear God," or "Dios Mio" or words to that effect. Who would send such a thing? It was at this point that the neighbor and I discover that we had much in common. We are somewhat germaphobes. The idea of eating something not knowing where it comes from is foreign to both of us. I have over the years learned to fear restaurants for the same reason. I even make certain that my own hands are sterile to prepare food for myself.

I stared at the arrangement and then the neighbor. "WTF," he offered. "Indeed," I offered. "Who sent you that," I asked? It had come from one of the neighbor's pleased customers. We both looked as if we had stepped in poop. We confessed that we were thinking the same things. We had seen the commercials many times and thought that peeled fruit and most likely underpaid labor was a very bad combination. Can you honestly imagine what has had an opportunity to create a biological home on that carved and peeled fruit while it is being arranged and transported? Is the factory sterile? Do the workers were face masks and multiple mil thick elbow length gloves. And how are those plastic bags that cover them made? No, I can't imagine any of it would meet the standards of a person who uses hand sanitizer each and every time he sits down at the computer. Yuck.

Tom told me that he felt the same and added he was insulted to receive such a gift. "Who the hell would eat that," he demanded? We made our way to the side of his house where the gift could make a new home in the galvanized garbage car waiting there.

We then wondered how much the thing costs. I checked on line and the thing was close to one hundred bucks. It costs a great deal more than a simple thank you note that one might file and remember longer or rather pleasantly longer. Now, the unwitting sender will long be remembered for sending brightly covered germs as a token of his thanks. What a swell idea, an expensive bacterial arrangement.