What did I miss?

I will not bore you with what’s and why for’s of the importance of a Colonoscopy or the good work of University Gastroenterology. If your curiosity is peeked there’s always, Google. I’ll even leave out the part about how the colon must be completely cleansed and empty. -Or how the Nulytely bowel cleansing solution eventually causes your bum to rain. I’ll spare you all that and begin with 7:15am yesterday.

A gentleman of the medical cab company rang. He sounded very gruff. He couldn’t find the house. (Oops, I left out the part about how you have to be accompanied to and from a Colonoscopy. Things being as they are, the insurance company provides transportation for such lonely souls as moi.) Moving right along… The salty seaman on the other end of the line told me he would be there in 15 minutes after I repeated the address to him for the third time.

And there he was at 7:30am sharp. I could not believe it. The car reeked of cigarette smoke. It smelled as if he had been locked in the thing for a month or more chain smoking 3 or 4 packs a day. He was even holding a lit smoke. WTF! Isn’t this a medical transport vehicle? With smoke entering my recently cleansed and emptied bowels I immediately felt sick and faint. The driver looked in the rearview mirror, pointed the cigarette towards me and asked, “Does this bother you?” I told him that it did and he flicked it out the window while exhaling a new batch of smoke into the car. Ten minutes later and I was at University Gastroenterology.

Paper work, a very pleasant nurse, a backless gown (as opposed to a back-Les gown which is something entirely different) and I was off to the procedure room. I’m sure it’s called something else but, that will have to do for now. I met the neato keen doctor who almost insisted my age is 10-12 years younger than I actually am. Why doctor, that would make me a teenager… Am I blushing doctor? Give me a minute.

What I recall next was that the nurse injected two different meds. I then woke up about an hour later in the recovery area. A different nurse woke me and told me to get dressed. She was kind of hurried. I looked up at the blood pressure monitor to learn that my BP was back to normal, 106/66 rather than the 138/83 I came in with. “Is it done,” I asked? I had apparently slept through everything. Sorry, I too had hoped for a play by play entry for you my gentle reader. I however, slept through the whole thing! It was kind of like that time when those aliens… Oh, you would never believe me anyway.

BTW: A single tiny polyp was found. Not bad for six feet of abused colon?