How to ruin a guy's day...

Around noon today on this last Monday of 2021, I got the shock of my life. I have a post office box at the little mall on campus. I went there to check my mail, afterwards I went to the second floor to use the restroom.

As I entered the restroom I heard the water faucet at the sink the second sink where the pressure seems to be way too high. I wasn't really thinking of anything other than peeing. There was a man get that stink. He looked to be roughly five feet seven or eight, black and mid late 30s, I would imagine. He spoke loudly towards me, "Oh this is exactly what I didn't want anyone to see." I ignored him, went to the urinal, and did my business. The water was still running violently in the sink. It finally stopped and I briefly heard the hand blow dryer. 

Finished, I turned to the first sink. He was standing in the way. I excused myself. He slowly turned around with a half smile. My eyes were immediately drawn to the fact that he was wearing a full colostomy bag. The bloody fluid was an incredible shock. I was speechless. My eyes slowly rose to his. His seemed to dance as if he was enjoying himself.

"Hey man you got some money? Stage 4 cancer. You got some money for medicine and medical bills?" Still stunned,  I muttered that I didn't have any money on me. His eyes almost seemed to be laughing more so than expressing disappointment. You didn't plead with me. As I made my way to the door, his eyes looked to be asking me, "What's wrong with you?" I stared noticing that although he was slight in build, he had hair and didn't look at all to be ill. I'm not a doctor, but he did not look at all unwell. As well, his sink showed no signs of use, no blood or fluids. 

First the guilt. I always try to do the right thing. I try to help people where I can. I felt very guilty here at first. Was this man truly in need? I was suddenly and unlapsed Catholic. I prayed for this man, I prayed for myself. I mean, even if he was a con man as I suspected, how desperate would you need to be in order to pull such a prank? I walked around the perimeter of the building and prayed a little more.

On the first level of the building is a thrift store I walked in and tried to clear my head. I just wandered around. I noticed a middle-aged woman employee who I had never seen before. I don't know why, but I unloaded the whole story on her. She was somehow a cross between compassion and perversely enjoying the story.  She told me not to let it ruin my day. She added that she would talk to the maintenance man to keep an eye out for the guy. I told her that I would tell him myself. I did and at least he didn't seem to be suppressing laughter.

There's a grocery store about a mile away. I walked there enjoying the December air. My mind reevaluated my reevaluations of the incident. The guy was a phony.

Ignorance is loud

At one bus stop a 40-ish intoxicated black man (not me) boarded the bus. At the next stop a 70 -ish bearded man boarded. The bearded man stood near were the drunk was seated, which was next to me.

Drunk Dude: You a jew, ain't you?

Bearded Dude: (Chuckled) Why yes. Did the beard give it away?

Drunk Dude: Orthodox right?

Bearded Dude: Yes, I am...

Drunk Dude: See, I knew that shit 

Bearded Dude: Excuse me?

Drunk Dude: I bet you didn't know that black people are the real jews. Real jews are dark, you real white.

Bearded Dude: (Chuckles) Yes, I realize that biblical Jews were of darker skin...  Well, my mother is Norwegian.

Drunk Dude: If you know that you ain't no real jew, why you goin around pretendin?

*A seat quickly opened at the front of the bus. The orthodox jewish man was steaming. Even with his glasses, mask, and beard you could tell he was livid.

Drunk Dude: See that, they get mad when you tell the truth.

Elderly Church Lady: I hear you bother, the Bible tells a different story.

The lady and drunk dude continued to talk about; the bible, Black Jesus, and the fact that she reminded him of his late "Rest her soul" great-grandmother.

*It took every ounce of control I had to not tell them to STFU!

😥

Trick or Treat...

 

A true story...

This childhood tale just popped into my head as I was washing dishes...

It was Halloween when I was 4 or 5 years old, and as my mother was leaving for a meeting she reminded my father to set up things for Halloween. My dad was watching a Western movie and not really paying much attention. He continued watching his movie, and about a half hour later the doorbell rang. I peaked through the curtain and saw four kids older than myself in costumes.

My dad quickly opened the door and angrily stared down at the kids. He bellowed at them about showing up the day before Halloween! The kids started crying as dad continued to scolding them. He was still yelling as they ran away. He turned off the outside lights and went back to his movie.

When my mother returned, she asked dad why there was so much candy left? He told her about those "greedy" kids. She looked at him perplexed and said, "Honey, tonight's Halloween."

Aisle Eleven

I've been looking for a headphone/microphone splitter adapter and, was in a grocery store that used to have a small electronic section. I didn't see that section and asked an assistant manager who was chatting with another employee.

Me: Excuse me, I was looking for your electronic gadget section. It used to be right over there.

Asst. Mgr.: No, we don't have nothing like that. What were you looking for.

Me: Well, you used to have adapters and cords over there.

Asst. Mgr.: Oh, a cord? That's right over at the end of aisle 11. (Speaks very slowly) That's actually called hardware here. Hard. Ware. (He smiles as you might to someone you suspect isn't all there.)

Me: (I stared for a couple seconds thinking, "This mofo actually believes that the word hardware is new to me?")

Asst. Mgr.: How about I walk you over there?

Me: Thanks. I can find it.

*Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the assistant manager and the other employee were laughing. I guess you make your own fun? 🙄

An Inconvenience Store Truth

I woke up at 3:05am. I had had a wild dream again, and was a little unsure of where I was. 

In my dream I had ran into DT in a convenience store. He walked over to me, stood to my left, and waited for me to recognize him. He wore a navy blue suit with a red tie which hung about a foot lower than his waist. He also seemed physically 3x my size. Our conversation follows:

DT: Lester you're not poor are you. I mean you're not poor poor are you?

*Awkward silence

Me: I'm poor.

*We both stared at a case with premade sandwiches. My stomach winced at the sight of the egg salad on white bread. The edges of the bread were hardening and curling.

DT: Are those watches real?

*I was wearing two watches on my left wrist; a Timex and a Guess...

Me: Oh, they're just everyday watches, Sir.

DT: Oh. Well, tomorrow I will bring in a watch with me for you.

Me: Thank you, Sir.

DT: I want you to start getting used to the finer things...

Me: Thank you.

*We stood in awkward silence as I thought, "Geez, I wish I had this on video, nobody's going to believe this." 

The sound of the furnace coming on jolted me to reality. 

Vote Wisely!

I was thinking earlier that before people vote they should ride the public transportation in their town. I did today. The numbers of wheelchair bound, sick, mentally ill, impoverished, drunk, drug addicted, educationally failed... who are probably trying ten times as hard as any of us who judge are sobering. 

One young 20-something woman who greeted me had to be well over 400lbs. She was so warm and pleasant. How could she be? I tried to help her off of the bus. She was so large and awkward that she had to descend the three bus steps backwards. After she was safely on the ground she smiled broadly and waved goodbye to me. I was amazed how at peace she seemed. I felt embarrassed.

A middle-aged woman and her husband seemed to take forever to board. They had 8 or 10 grocery bags and several boxes of frozen meats. A bag fell over to reveal a couple slabs of ribs. The couple started a conversation with two different men near them. One had just finished a program job for those with cognitive issues, and the other, an elderly man. The woman was in a wheelchair. She explained that she and her husband had so much food in tow because she sold dinners from her house. Nah, that's not legal, but that's not the point. The point is that she found herself unable to walk and, has turned her skills into a business to feed her family. Her said that she has taught her husband and sons how to cook and package the meals for times when she isn't well enough. She also shared that she just became her church's Secretary which gives her great joy. The woman offered the two guys shopping and cooking tips. They all enjoyed each other's company.

A drunk man boarded and barely made it to his seat. He seemed in great pain as he loudly moaned after sitting. Another man who was his friend got on several blocks down. The intoxicated little man could have been 30 or 60, who knows? He seemingly fell asleep on his friend's shoulder. A river of beer made its way down the bus as people feared aloud that it was pee. It was actually the man's 40oz beer being wasted. He didn't wake.

There was more to see, but you get the point? The people without a voice in the economy are struggling, most are fighting harder than any of us. Instead of judging them for not being us and dismissing their struggles as bad luck or poor choices, how about we start voting for people and policies that will uplift the dismissed?

What I Won't Do For A Bargain...

Each morning I take a probiotic. It's good for what ails me. I have been out for roughly a couple weeks and, I have noticed the difference. I am frugal and the supplement is expensive so, I usually look for two for one sales. 

My local drugstore (starts with a W) advertised online that they had such a bargain. Late this afternoon I went down my hill and a couple blocks over to the drugstore. I searched their entire supplement aisle and did not see the sale probiotics. Rather than use my phone to go to their website, I first went to the front of the store to find a sale circular. No circular insight. I then went to the nearest open register. The conversation follows:

Me: Hi, I was looking for this week's sale circular but, I don't see it in its usual place. 

Young Cashier Lady: 

*She looked to be roughly 18 years old. She tilted her head and looked at me as if I were speaking a laugh foreign to her.

Sales circular? Sales circular?

Me: You know, the booklet of sales for this week?

YCL: Sales book? 

Me: 

*Expecting any second for her to say something like, "I was just joking."

You usually have a paper which highlights the items on sale for the week?

YCL: Idontknowwhatchutalkinabout, you better find somebody else.

Me:

 

* I turn away from her fearing the same fate as Lot's wife. I take a few steps forward and hear YCL whispering to someone "He wanted a sales circular. Do you know what that is?

I look up and there's another cashier/asst. mgr. She doesn't ask if she can help me but, rather leans in toward me as if we were already speaking.

I was looking for this week's sale paper of what's on sale.

*She was actually creeping me out. I could not tell you what she looked like other than; she had glasses, a light blue shirt and, a buffering symbol on her forehead, or at least it seemed so.

Asst. Mgr.: 

Oh, we don't have anything like that. If you want to know what's on sale you, have to look on line.

*She points to literature and starts to recite the web address.

Me: I didn't know that. Thank you.

*I return to the supplement section, use the store app and, this time find the probiotics that should be on sale. However, there is no posted sale sign. I take a box and walk to the front counter. I look around and get the attention of the middle-aged woman who I believe might be the manager. I explain my dilemma.

Mgr.: Sir, if you meet me at the first register, I can help you.

*She finds that indeed the item is on sale. Then in a super pleasant condescending voice...

Sir, in the future when you are in the store, if you want to know what's on sale, just look for the yellow sale tag beneath the product.

Me: There was no tag underneath this product.

Mgr.: Oh well, I guess we missed one. Thank you for shopping...

Me: Thanks.

*Please stay in school, kids!