I Wish That I Could Make This Stuff Up

I so wish that I had the imagination to create the bizarre scenes I witness on public transportation.

Earlier this evening, a mid-to-late 50's white gentleman with graying shoulder length hair and neatly cropped beard sat next to a 50-ish blind fellow. The long haired guy wore an old camel colored fedora, and a large yellow scarf worn fashionably by women of the same age group. As he sat with his legs crossed at the knee he fumbled with a Trader Joes bag, and eventually retrieved a large plastic container of dates. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a six inch switch blade. The blade glimmered a less than professional sharping. Dude stabbed dates one by one until he had his fill (roughy a dozen later). Everyone within view of him bore the same "WTF?" expression. Finished, he used his tongue as a napkin, and then politely interlocked his fingers over his knee.

*Oops, I almost forget the best part... He offered the blind man some of the dates. The man declined. Perverse me wanted him to say "yes," just so I could mark "Watching a blind man being fed dates with a switch blade" off of my bucket list.

Sleep-Les in Syracuse

*Times are approximate

9:45pm: I fell asleep.
12:23am: I awoke full of energy as if it were Friday morning.
12:24am-12:39am: I stared at ceiling.
12:49am-1:17am: I expertly refolded ever sweater that I own.
1:18am-1:43am: I got back into bed and stared at the NE corner of the ceiling.
1:44am-1:45am: I peed.
1:45am-1:48am: I stared at the jumble of scarves on the chair.
1:49am-2:11am: I expertly refolded ever scarf I own
2:11am-2:20am: I sat on the side of my bed admiring my sweater and scarf handiwork.
2:21am-2-29am: I coughed uncontrollably and made a cup of Ginger and Lemon tea. I sucked on a cough drop, but never drank the tea.
2:30am-3:00am: I thought about how much I hate beets, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts.
Approx. 3:01am: I fell asleep again.
7:45am: I woke up for a 7:30am call.

The whole day I have had this same expression, partly because it is so cold, and majorly because it is my default.

I Get To Be Me

I woke up at 3:30a.m.. I have said before that this happens because the universe wants to have a discussion with me.

My late father used to tell me to quietly question Why a person offers negative information to you, about you. "So-n-so said this or that..." He believed that the person sharing had their own agenda.

Yesterday, I had three interactions that were unnecessarily negative/ugly. I won't take up more space in my brain by recounting and dissecting them here. I woke up with those situations on my mind. I hate that because it means they "got me." Anyway, my thoughts quickly led to an incident from a couple months ago... An acquaintance offered that "People don't like [me]." He added that I "appear too happy, and try to project too damn positive in my dress, speech, mannerisms." The person further added that people have their own lives and troubles, and get sick of seeing a guy "whistling along without a care in the world." For the record: I do not know how to whistle.

I smiled as I was told this in a tone that might have been confused with caring (Presently, I ignore this person, and he looks genuinely perplexed. He doesn't get it, which I won't make my responsibility). "I'm just letting you know what's up," he added as if I would give this matter my immediate attention and correction. I continued to smile as I am oft when caught in a situation so bizarre that I don't know what else to do.

No, I will not defend not giving up or trying to be positive. He and others like him get to be them, and I get to be me.

BTW, like everyone I have a full plate, and a lot of it is poop, I'm just still searching for condiments. 😂

And your week?

A friend asked earlier how my week went? It was pretty uneventful, but great nevertheless. I am again grateful. Here are a few snippets:

Friday 2:
Doctor: I believe that your minor aches and pains is just age. As we get older...

Med. Student: But, doctor, he doesn't look anywhere near his age.

Doctor: But, he is ___.

Med. Student: But, doctor, he's in relatively great health, and looks amazing. Why mention...

Doctor: (Stares at Med Student probably wondering why he hasn't shut the F up?)

ME: I like Med. Student a Lot!

Friday:
The doctor's appointment...

Middle-age Random Woman: (Fanning herself furiously with a magazine) Damn, it's hot in here. Are you hot?

Me: I've been told.

RW: (Scowls and continues to fan)

*I was actually going to say "Sorry, I don't have that." 😜

Thursday:
Sneezing and sniffling all day-
I opted to will it away rather than DayQuil it away. Not all of my choices are winners. 🌠

Wednesday:
Sign in clothing store dressing room: "MUST WEAR UNDERGARMENTS WHEN TRYING ON CLOTHING."

Other than the obvious, does the store realize that as a card carrying germaphobe it doesn't take much for me to run?

Tuesday 2:
I swear, when I die I will spend purgatory on hold with an Indian customer service operator who after a lengthy wait only offers suggestions that I tried three hours before calling.

"Mr. Bryant the third, please calm down. I am truly attempting to address your problem. Now let's start by clearing your browser's history. Do you know how to do that?"

You read that with an accent didn't you? 😒

Tuesday:
I just finished rewriting/editing someone's speech on of all things, rice. I love rice, Basmati, Jasmine, Brown, Wild, Long Grain... Along with pasta, it is a shamelessly versatile food. Rice and writing don't just come together on their own. I don't believe in coincidences, which is why, I believe that the universe brought this to me. What fun! 😂

Monday:
The first actual friend that I made after high school sent me a friend request here 7 or 8 years ago. It was nice to reconnect, and oddly we found ourselves in the same town. For this many years I have been reminding myself to get together with him outside of social media. He died yesterday.

The lesson here is obvious.

Have a good one!

Winky

I've said it before, and even written about it; only grandfathers and great-uncles are allowed to wink at adult males. It's as if you and the winker share some sort of naughty secret.

The woman ahead of me in the grocery "7 Items or Less" lane, had 43 items including a case of snacks and one of water. The 40-ish guy behind me in line muttered something like "Express, not!" I turned around, we chuckled, and he smiled and winked at me. I turned back around worried. "Oh no he di'nt?"

Once I was handed my receipt, he told me to have a good day. I turned to wish him the same and he did it again. I am sure that it was innocent, and I enjoy pleasantries with strangers, but that was two hours ago, and I am still creeped out.

Also, as I was leaving the store, I stopped in the restroom to do something about that weird scratchy feeling in my underwear that has annoyed me all day. I pulled everything down and discovered a dryer sheet in my underwear.

Yeah, it's been that kind of Friday. 😜

A bargain?

A lesson in frugality...

A saw this huge sweet potato pie in the grocery for 99¢, and couldn't resist. I don't usually purchase pies, but I thought "What the heck?"

It felt very cold so, I assumed that it had been frozen. When I got home, I put it in the oven at 175° to warm it, and dry out any excess moisture. It had too much nutmeg for my tastes, but was generally pretty good; the flavor, consistency, and crust were acceptable.

Around, 1:30a.m. I woke up bloated and nauseated. A little voice whispered, "You bought a 10 inch pie for 99¢." I will spare you the details of my six trips to the baffroom (sic).

Black humor

I went to sleep and woke up with a heavy heart. Twice yesterday I was accused of being mean spirited, of making fun of others. I truly love people, and wish even the bad ones well. I just believe that I am imperfect, as is everyone, and that this can he humorous. Humor is how I cope with the ugliness of the world. We have become so fragile, so delicate, that we cannot laugh at ourselves... I still can.

I find the world to be histerically funny! I like to laugh, and find humor in most situations, I always have. I even remember my grandmother's funeral when I was in the eleventh grade. Grandma's sister was there, I secretly called her "The Professional Mourner," because she was exceptionally dramatic, and on que for great wails, nashing of teeth and such.

At the end of the service, the coffin lid was raised, and we filed past giving our final goodbyes. I was seated again as my great aunt approached the casket. "Oh, dear sister, I will so miss you," she wailed/weeped. She leaned over to kiss her deceased sister, and as she attempted to stand tall again, the button of her blazer became caught on the handle of the coffin. Overcome with grief and drama, my great adult tried to step back, and to the side, not realizing that she was now attached to the death box. The coffin sat on a castered riser which started to roll to my left. My great aunt and grandma were rolling towards the stairs to the far left of the pulpit.

My eyes widened as I anticipated an undignified cartoon-ish ending for both women. Suddenly, it seemed as if the entire congregation noticed the rolling casket with a stooped over great aunt attached. Some bounded to the top of the stairs to stop potential disaster, while others attempted to unhitch my aunt and some how lock the wheels of the riser from rolling. The room finally sighed relief, and my aunt was free to faint. I covered my face rocking and shaking. I had always been a sensitive boy, so people thought that the situation was too much for me. A woman's gloved hand rubbed and patted my shoulder to console me as I laughed silently to myself. That was the funniest thing to date that I had ever seen. I have apparently always been a mess.