Little Nephew: Uncle Lester, your face looks kinda weird.
Me: Hmm...
LN: Yes, something is very wrong?
Me: Is something missing?
LN: (Stares a bit, and then wide eyed covered his mouth while screaming...) Nooooooooooooo! Your moustache is gone. Get it back! Get it back!
Me: You don't like it?
LN: WOW. Didn't see that coming.
Me: (Smiles)
LN: You are very handsome, but grow it back by tomorrow!
*This is Les Bryant, reporting from the terrifyingly tense situation at Townsend and Harrison Streets. Apparently, a mother duck was leading her ducklings across Townsend Street, when one of the little ones got trapped in a sewer grate.
I took the attached photo from my doctor's office. The excitement slightly elevated my blood pressure reading. As you can see; Three police cruisers, an animal control officer, and an actual news team are on the scene. It was touch and go for more than an hour I am told, but yours truly witnessed the successful capture of the duckling. He/She was placed in a pet carrier to the delight of those dedicated to serve.
This from my file: Friggin People?
On the first floor of the little mall where I am seated there is a US Post Office. Over the railing I notice a stylish, suited, forty-ish man going from person to person. He made his way to the second floor, and eventually to me. He asked if I had a couple dollars. He offered no explanation as to why a total stranger should give him money. I told him "No" as I noticed letters in his hand.
I told him I could give him a couple stamps if that's what he needed. He said that he indeed needed two stamps. I still snail mail cards and notes and always have stamps. I started to tear off a couple Harvey Milk stamps, (Milk, was of course, the gay San Francisco councilman who was murdered by a fellow politician. There was a major motion picture celebrating his life a few years back. Nevertheless, the postal service honors those who have contributed greatly to this country and culture.) The man interrupted me and asked "Do you have anything other than Harvey Milk, I'm not comfortable with that?"
I was speechless as he took two planet stamps, and hurried away.
I refuse to be on constant guard because the next guy could be a jerk, but goddamn if I didn't want to chase him and tackle him to the ground.
I do believe that our paths cross for a reason. As I waited for my bus a disheveled mid-30's guy staggered over and leaned against the shelter. He was sobbing. I bristled assuming he was either drunk, and or stoned. In between sobs he turned to me. "I just came from the hospital... My mom died." I listened as he extolled her virtues. I asked if we could call someone to get him. He said, everyone was at work. He had only told his brother and sister. I finally got him to sit on the bench next to me. He talked and sobbed, mostly incoherently. I just sat and listened until our bus came.
Three, no four true tales from my day:
#1
From my file: "Now, I've heard everything!"
I had a great chat today with a friend who shared tales from teaching photography. Apparently, he and a Freshman Photography major shot a couple rolls of film, and they were to develop them. He carefully outlined the process...
As soon as the development process began, the girl turned the lights on in the darkroom destroying the negatives. The shaking student announced that she was having a panic attack because she was afraid of the dark.
Rumor has it that she might be considering a new major.
#2
I walked past two women praying outside of Planned Parenthood's offices today. My first thought was "Get a life!". 😒
...but, then I immediately realized that was both mean spirited and punny, and felt really bad.
#3
Why aliens won't talk to us:
I overheard a loud argument on the bus. Apparently, a 20-something lesbian got drunk at a party and kissed another, not realizing she was in a relationship with a very angry 40ish woman. Angry woman told the other woman that she would let her off the hook this time because she didn't know she was "kissing somebody's B****."
The conversation got heated as the angry one prompted an apology that never came. As a gentleman, I suppose I should have tried to intervene... "Ladies, ladies..."
Nah, they both would have cut me. 😒
#4
Overheard conversation between two twenty-something males:
1st guy: She says I look dirty. She says I got to get white undershirts. What's a white undershirt?
2nd guy: They're like a white T-shirt, but with nothing on it.
Me: (judging) 😒
As I waited for my transfer bus at the hub downtown, I noticed five teenaged girls. They were typical; giggly, fourteen, but looked twenty-three, and a little loud.
Only three of the five boarded. They sat nearest to the driver oblivious to the posted sign reserving those seats for the elderly and handicapped.
The driver shut the door. Just then, one of the pair with glasses and red dyed hair screamed out that one of the girls who had not boarded had her phone. The girl stood repeating herself in fright. She moved towards the driver and pleaded for her to open the door. One of her friends asked the driver to wait, again explaining the situation. She first yelled for her friend with the phone, who was too far away to hear. She jumped from the bus and ran towards the friend who was now at least a couple hundred feet away.
Then, there were two...
The driver told the girl that she had a schedule and couldn't wait. Enraged the glasses girl was speechless for a second as the doors closed and the driver headed for the exit from the bus hub. In disbelief the girl said "Seriously" a couple times to the driver, as her friend having retrieved the phone stood outside the bus confused. The other girl demanded that the driver open the doors. The driver told her that once the bus was in motion she could not just open the doors. The doors could only be open at an actual bus stop.
Neither of the pair were having this. They pounded on the door, and called the driver a bitch. Glasses girl started to freak out. Her friend made it known that she was having a panic attack. "Why are you being such a bitch? Do you want her to have a panic attack?" Glasses girl was near hysterical, and her friend not far behind. They pounded on the door. Oddly, the girls outside the bus seemed to figure that the driver was headed to the next stop, and appeared to be hurrying there.
Inside the bus, the driver was responding to a query as to whether she was "that kind of bitch to let her have a panic attack?" "Yeah, I'm am going to show you that I am that bitch," the driver said far more passively than I might have at this point. The bus now was in the inside turning lane of Adams Street, signaling for Salina Street. Both girls were still yelling about the impending panic attack while pounding on the door. The second girl seemed to be searching as she pounded. She found it. She found some sort of emergency button that released the "lock" on the door. Swearing, both girls forced the door opened, and quickly jumped from the bus onto the street. They were narrowly missed by another bus in the other lane. My bus full of people, (including myself) was now pissed. A middle-aged woman across the aisle spoke our horror aloud "Damn, now this is a fucking incident, and we can't leave until security and the police come."
"Fuck you!" She was probably a nice lady, and I didn't mean it personally, which is why the words remained in my head. Security et al came, and finally we were on our way. I sat there thinking how nuts this was and how panic stricken glasses girl will be in jail. I hope that her friend didn't walk off with her meds too
On this the first day of school...
I was followed by two teenage thugs for a mile and a half; who were obviously looking for an opportunity to jump me. In one hand I carried my day bag, and in the other, a large reusable bag of groceries with nothing more than; Corn Flakes, blue corn chips, salsa, peanut butter, 2 Sparkling Waters, and that Dolce Gabbana sweater I found earlier.
I would cross the street, and they would cross the street. Several times this happened. They yelled ahead three or four times for me "Hey, hey, hey, Sir, do you have a light? I ignored them until the 4th yell. I turned around, shook my head, and walked faster. The faster I walked, the faster they walked. I would cross the street, they would cross.
So, finally I thought "enough of this crap," and I stood and waited for them to catch up. I tightened my grip on my bags. I looked them both in the eye as they whispered to each other and continued onward. Other than the grace of God, I imagine the only thing that saved me was being aware today. I think if they could have gotten the surprise jump on me, I most certainly would have had trouble. Cowards.
You know? You try to be sympathetic. You realize that people have troubled lives and they're from troubled places, but some days it's hard to be sympathetic or empathic.
An update...
The next day after the almost mugging, I decided to take the bus rather than walk. I took the bus to the downtown hub to transfer. I had missed my connection by two minutes, so I sat on a bench a few feet from the stop. Keep in mind that there was no one other than myself there for ten minutes or so...
The bus was a half hour late, and by the time it arrived, a long line had formed. As the bus pulled up, I stood and moved near the head of the line. "Hey you can't cut. That MF was sittin' on that bench, now he gettin' ahead everybody?" I ignored the voice at first not realizing it was about me. The voice got louder and others, indignant joined in. The bus doors opened and people pushed with their bodies. "What the fuck is this, 3rd grade" I thought?
The angry jerk boarded a few people after me. As he passed my seat (middle of the bus) he roared again. I politely explained that I wasn't actually getting ahead of anyone. This just added fuel to his fire. He now promised to fcuk me up... I ignored him, and he continued his very loud mindless rant for another mile and a half until he got off.
Friday, I opted to walk and I did do in peace, the universe realizing that I had had quite enough for one week.
