The Sky is Falling

Sunday morning I awoke at 7:55am. I can not recall when I have slept so late. Why, half the day was over. I was super tired for some reason. My eyes were heavy as if they had recently been glued shut. I immediately recalled my dream of which I was most likely in the midst.

In the dream I was apparently working in an office building. I had just stepped off of the elevator. The second that I was off of the elevator the thing fell. The entire elevator; floor, walls and all collapsed in on itself and plunged three stories below to the basement. Whoa, I missed that one I thought! I had better warn people. The odd thing was that none of the other office workers either noticed or seemed to care. I spent the day warning people about the hole where the elevator once stood. Most ignored me, some went over to look down unaffected and some even hopped over the hole to get to where they were going. I was amazed that no one saw the great hole of a problem that I Thought was obvious. They just went about their day as usual. A couple were even annoyed that I had bothered and interrupted them with my warnings. In vain I continued to warn people.

A bit Chicken Little-esque don't you think?

Step lightly

In yesterday's mail I found a catalog. This wasn't just any catalog. It probably was the most environmentally unfriendly catalog I have ever seen. I almost thought it was a joke. I have probably already said too much for our litigious society. I will therefore submit five clippings. I am sure that you can draw your own conclusions. My favorite is the dog poop destroyer. I wonder what you do in the mean time as you wait for decomposition?

This has got to be a bit difficult to apply.

Don't forget to tell your kiddies that this isn't real...

I know a first grader who will make you one for a five spot...

What next, Depends for your pouch?

I think that the Pigeons and Squirrels might define the word "harm" differently...

What, no dinner?

Why me, I ask you? A couple in their late thirties to early forties boarded the bus. It was shortly after 3:00p.m. yesterday afternoon. They appeared to be drunk, stoned, hopped up on goofballs or any combination of the three. I can't even guess which- The woman who was petite wore a flowery frock well beyond her years. Her companion held his head down and was relatively nondescript. The woman sat next to me to the right and the guy directly in front of her. I should say that she actually sat on the right side of my right thigh and slid down into position. As I tried to break free she finally noticed, excused herself and moved to the right only slightly. She was still sitting on my blazer. I struggled again but, she did not notice and I did not really want to make an issue.

As we waited for the bus to get going her head bobbed back and forth much like my little Jeter doll. She seemed to be fighting sleep desperately. After about 15 minutes of this she lost. She was out like the proverbial light. I stared out the window to my left until I felt her hand fonding my big bald head. Before I could speak or react, her right hand had found it's way to my chest and was caressing it as she pressed her face into my shoulder. Unfortunately, I don't always read all of my emails but, were we dating? I'm not sure where it came from but, I then opened my mouth and out came, WHAT THE F**K LADY? She did not wake. I wasn't sure what to do so, I struggled to push her away. -No use, she was still out. I then lifted my right arm while pushing her aside. This gesture was firmer than planned and she flopped to her right. The kid in the aisle seat across from her caught her and put her upright. She woke during this procedure with her hand now on my right shoulder. Before I could speak she said, "I don't want you no how. This my man." She said this while massaging the neck of the guy she boarded with in front of her. "This my man," she repeated. The guy grunted something unintelligible but did not turn around. In fact he never turned around during the whole ordeal.

The entire bus was in laughter. Letterman should get such laughs. I was absolutely mortified. I stared out the window at the one hour dry cleaning sign. I wondered if I could drop myself off for a good steam cleaning.

The stuff I read...

So, I was perusing this town's excuse for a newspaper on Sunday. There were a couple interesting stories. The first that I wanted to share was about a woman with cancer who was summoned to jury duty. She apparently sent medical documentation as well as had her doctor call the juror's office to get a deferment. The bureaucratic madness that followed was classic. The woman was told that the office couldn't accept her doctor's word and needed her to release her medical records. She hesitated and of course got into trouble. The long and the short of it was that after an inquiry the head of the juror's office said that he had already given the woman a deferment and it was her fault that she did not know this because she should have called to ask. He stated that his office does not have the manpower to get in touch with people to tell them the disposition of their cases. Gosh, golly do you think he really had already given her a deferment?

The second story of interest involved interracial relationships. Silly me, I expected something new in this story after reading the headline. The story pictured a couple of about 80 years (Japanese/Caucasian), one in their thirties (Cambodian/African American) and one in college (African American/Caucasian). This had to be the saddest crap I have ever read. They asked each couple all of two questions each. The answers were; blah, blah, blah it was hard then but, it's better now... And the second answer was; blah, blah,blah, our families did not like it then but they are okay now... The very disturbing issue for me is that after reading the first two sentences I new the article would be stupid which might explain why I put it away and came back to it 6 hours later. I however did not know how stupid.

It was clear to me that the article was not about interracial relationships at all after reading further. It was merely an avenue to present an unusual family photo for a judgemental town to do what it does best, judge. The photo I am referring to was of the black woman and her Cambodian husband's family. Apparently, they are Muslim, the wife has lesbian mothers (one white, one black), the husband's sister is married to a middle eastern Muslim and there are a couple three children in the mix. I believe that this was exploitation in that only the one couple in the photo was interviewed. So, I asked, what was the significance here? The other couples only had photos of themselves and not their entire united nations clan.

I thought it was a beautiful thing! People who married people they love and extended and created a wonderful family. On second thought maybe this is news.

Peace

At 1:33am and 3:54am this morning I was startled awake from a sound sleep. The first time there was some one near the house revving a car's engine. The second awakening was caused by someone outside some where apparently coughing his brains out followed by the slamming of a car door.

The very curious part about all this was that each time I awoke, I awoke from a dream, the same dream and at the same point in that dream. The setting of the dream was a great concert hall. I sat in the center mezzanine. Yeah, I do so know what that is... Anyway, there I sat all alone in a white tuxedo with a cloud like feeling about the room. And there, there on the stage stood the great tenor, Luciano Pavarotti. He was singing for me and only me. In that beyond Ave Maria you're lost me, I couldn't tell you what he was singing. I do know that it was hard to tell which of us was enjoying himself more.

I'm sure some one will read a bit into all this given the clouds and the point that Mr. Pavarotti has been dead for nearly two years. They might even suggest what numbers to play. I prefer to think of it all as just a little peace in a week that got away from me.

What price beauty? ...$11.69

I had a few minutes this morning before an appointment so, I decided to stop a block up at the drug store and buy shaving blades. Cheap bastard that I am I usually buy the things when they are on sale or I have a coupon or two. I am almost never out of them mostly because they are so expensive and I hate hate using the cheap ones. My favorite is that five blade Fusion thingy. It leaves my face and head as smooth as when I was just a baby sans the soft spot.

I used to complain when the Mach3 cost a buck a blade and now they are three bucks each. My fav Fusions are almost four (usually $28.99 for 8). I am convinced that in that comfort strip at the top is a chemical that has addicted me. I say this because when I use say a Bic I bleed like a stuck pig for more than an hour. It's like a Monty Python outtake. Soooo, I must buy either the Mach3, the Quattro, or the Fusion refill cartridges.

Now, here's the funny part. I had no coupons and the dull butter knife feeling of earlier this morning was intolerable therefore, I had to buy something. The only ones on special were the Quattro Titanium refill cartridges at $11.69 (for four). They were also buy one get one free. I guess I couldn't beat that. Well, then I tried to remove two from the display hook. They would not release. There was a guy looking next to me who alerted me to the fact that only store personnel could remove them (with a special key). He went to find someone who worked there. A nice woman appeared with the "key." The other guy made his choice and then she asked what I needed. I told her, she removed them and I extended my hand for them. Now, here's the kicker, she said, "oh no, I have to take them to the register myself." Uh? she went on to tell me that customers are only allowed to touch the razors after they have paid for them. I asked her where was her armed guard? She turned to me with shoulders broader than my own and said, "do I look like I need one?" I was too afraid to respond.

As I walked down the street I clutched the bag certain that I would be mugged.

Monday

A rough weekend but, I'm still plowing along and trying to smile. Off to the doctor's this morning for a dreaded prostate exam. That should be a good time at that...